The Parable Paradox - Jesus Deliberately Misdirects

 

Maybe my first parable should be about your planning ahead next time...

        After reading the bible or hearing a sermon about Jesus, have you ever wondered why he spoke in so many parables rather than just speaking directly about matters that affected something as serious as an immortal soul and the life to come? You’d think he’d want to be as precise, unambiguous, and crystal clear on this issue as he could be. So why all the puffery, misdirection, and charades in the parables when it could have been so simple with a direct message?  

The Bible offers few clues as to why Jesus couldn’t plainly say what needed to be said. For starters, the bible is not exactly a good source for anything given its own dubious history. (Don’t bother asking Christians what it says in the very first, original bible. There isn’t one. The earliest complete bible dates only from the 600s and is reputedly in a vault beneath the Vatican. How do the faithful know what the first bible said?)  

So, are the stories in the bible recording times when Jesus was trying to entertain those who were listening, or did he have some other darker purpose in mind with his parable ploy?  

According to Mark:4 verses 11-12 “He (Jesus) said to them, unto you is given to know the mystery of the Kingdom of God, but unto them that are without, all these things are done in parables. That seeing they may see and not perceive, and hearing they may hear, and not understand lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them.” 

That sounds like the function of Jesus’ parables was to confuse. He was speaking to his disciples, telling them THEY are given to know what God wants. If others listen in and try to divine the message, well, screw them. They may see and hear it, but they won’t perceive or understand it. Jesus wants them kept ignorant. They can’t be converted and forgiven their sins by direct message. They must filter it out through a multi-layered parable that was MEANT to confuse and ultimately damn them. And it’s THEIR fault if they fail. 

Apparently, Jesus didn’t want a large group of Christians gathered in Heaven when it was all over. He wanted to baffle the audience via the parable so most of them would end up in hell. The parable was Jesus’ misdirect into the everlasting fire, and he KNEW it was. Why would anyone worship such a monster? 

John 3:16 Corrected

       Jesus spoke in code or in riddles as sort of a “this is a wheat separated from chaff test” for his followers - to see if any could decipher them. If they couldn’t, well, Jesus literally didn’t give a damn if they failed. That was the whole point of the parables. They were an early manifestation of what satirist George Elliott wrote in his piece about Calvinists who claimed to be “the elect”: “We’re the Lord’s elected few, let all the rest be damned. There’s room enough in Hell for you. We don’t want Heaven crammed!”  

Would you have learned spelling, math or a foreign language if it was taught to you only via parable and it was up to you to discern the reality of those subjects? Would you have known where to turn for an answer? Would being given ambiguous information repeatedly have motivated you to seek greater answers?  

This is what the Bible teaches about Jesus and his reliance on parables. It is useless information. No one needs to follow such a deranged and bizarre cult as Christianity. 

Parables are fairy tales. They are stories meant to entertain little children. They have no place being presented as truth and the perfect repository of knowledge, information, and instruction. 

Thank God we have these Moral Guardians

                   At least this time he diddled someone to whom he wasn't related 

As if molesting his sisters and another family friend wasn’t enough. As if getting an intervention in 2002 by mom and dad Michelle and Jim Bob, and a stern talking to by the law enforcement friend who’s now behind bars for child porn wouldn't calm his libido. While he was harping about the evils of abortion, homosexuality, and fornication of any sort, (except male and female, married one time only, to each other)…it turns out Josh Duggar has something in common with people like Bill Cosby…PUDDING! Pudding his dick where it didn’t belong. This time he can’t claim it was youthful indiscretion. He’s been recently cheating on his wife of nearly seven years and enjoying porno on the side as well. What a great daddy and husband. What an exemplar role model. What a surprise that calling on God and Jesus didn’t prevent his sexual indiscretion, especially since family members knew he was warped over 12 years ago.

        The Christian right is nothing but a constellation of hypocrites making a mockery of everything they claim to uphold biblically. A random sample: Ted Haggard’s constant screaming about the evils of drugs and homosexuality right up to the weekend before he got caught doing both…Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol, pregnant out of wedlock again, this time after earning over $262,000 from The Candies Foundation, an abstinence only group, Pentecostal John Brock of Bell County, Kentucky who followed the words of Mark 16:18, “…will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all,” then died after being bitten by said snake…and mega-church pastor Zachery Tims, who preached the prosperity gospel and then abused his prosperity on a lethal dose of coke and heroin. But the newest star is super-Christian, GOP photo-favorite, and Family Research Council judge-jury-and executioner Josh Duggar admitting he had an Ashley Madison affair website account, and to porking someone other than his wife. Poor Anna won’t be allowed to divorce this scumbag regardless of where his willie has been. But I do hope she uses some of that 19 Kids and Counting money for an STD test.

                                 "Family"...a word to display on a shelf at home.

        And how does the religious right explain away these kinds of acts? Like this: “Satan knows that by instigating a scandal with an evangelical Christian leader, he can have a powerful impact. Just as King David’s adultery with Bathsheba and arranged murder of Uriah caused great damage to David’s family and the entire nation of Israel, so has many a church or ministry been damaged or destroyed by the moral failure of its leader. Many Christians have had their faith weakened as a result of seeing a leader fall. Non-Christians use the failure of “Christian” leaders as a reason to reject Christianity. Satan and his demons know this, and therefore direct more of their attacks against those in leadership roles. The Bible warns us all, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

                                      "You're f*cking gonna blame ME???"

As the old joke goes, what's worse than having an imaginary friend? Having an imaginary enemy. See, the devil made them do it…they aren’t responsible for their reprehensible behavior…it’s the influence of the supernatural. I’m going to use that excuse if I get pulled over for any reason by the cops, or am audited by the IRS. I’m sure it will work for me just like it does for evangelicals to explain their peccadilloes. 

        I don’t give a damn how many times Josh claims he is “the biggest hypocrite ever” in order to atone for cheating on his wife. We already know that! Repeating it doesn't change the outcome. He is guilty of far more than just your garden-variety hypocrisy. He built a career on being a morally superior blowhard. "God is righteous and is going to judge all of us unless we abandon sin and immorality" as defined by him, his sanctimonious parents, and the Family Research Council. He is the epitome of why Christianity, and all religions, should be treated like the Black Plague. It does not lead to a more virtuous life. It’s a license to sin. In Christianity, if you get caught, claim the blood of Jesus has cleansed you and go right back to sinning. Jesus paid the bill so enjoy the fact that you can get away with anything and everything.

        All that prayer and strengthening of faith Michelle and Jim Bob claimed they did for Josh after he admitted to molesting his sisters didn’t do shit for Josh. It just created a smarmier and sneakier shit.

                   Josh Duggar indicates how much respect he has for "family values"

          In my opinion though, Josh can redeem himself this way: he should return every dime he earned as the spokesman for the Family Research Council. He didn’t measure up to any of the crap he was espousing so he should not keep the rewards of promoting what he wasn’t willing to practice. He should be forced to wear a scarlet “A” on his forehead the rest of his life. Plus, he should submit to having an inch of his penis chopped off for every crack he’s slipped it into other than Anna’s. Fair enough, Josh?  

Criminal Christian goes Free

Hey vandals, lawbreakers and other scofflaws, come on down to Florida. Not only can you hone and perfect your craft, the state will actively support it.

Let’s say you discover you don’t like the color of your neighbor’s house, or any house for that matter…splash it with your choice of paint. Or use spray cans to create artistic graffiti to give it a ‘pop’ feel. You’ll get off the hook by claiming religious freedom. Maybe a store has something you want, but you can’t afford it. No problem. Pick it up and walk out with it. As long as you tell law enforcement ahead of time, there will be little difficulty. And the best part again is you can say it is your religious right. Or, let’s say you don’t like someone else’s belief or spiritual presentation. Here in the Sunshine State you have carte blanche to trash it and pay no penalty.

What's the difference between the thug on the left and the thug on the right? The thug on the right only trashed himself.

On December 24, 2014, Susan Hemeryck, wearing a t-shirt with ‘Catholic Warrior’ on it, entered the capitol building in Tallahassee, pre-apologized to the two Florida Capitol Police officers near the door, walked to the Christmas exhibition area and vandalized the display erected by the Satanic Temple (which featured an angel figure falling into hell-fire, per the bible), then attempted to walk out of the building with what was left of the display. 

It seems that, like many bigoted conservative Christians, Ms. Hemeryck couldn't tolerate the biblically-correct scene so she took it upon herself to destroy it. Amazingly, even though she was filmed by capitol surveillance cameras, was caught red-handed by law enforcement officers as she tried to remove it from the building, and freely admitted to the press that she “yanked that little devil off the fishing line” and “should have just done a better job and finished it off for good,” state prosecutors decided not to pursue the case.

Why?

Hemeryck’s attorney said doing so is “basically putting an attack on Christians.” (Note: An attack on something non-Christian is okay though.) State prosecutors agreed and dropped charges because of a lack of evidence. In a statement issued by state prosecutors, they claimed “The defendant is simply carrying the display. No damages are apparent. It is simply disassembled.” There are none so blind as those who will not see.

Hmmm, must have fallen off the table and gotten torn up by itself.

See, you aren't held accountable for criminal activity in Florida. Desecrating some other religious display is a perpetual “Get Out of Jail Free” card. If an atheist had vandalized a Christian display, prosecutors would have sought the maximum punishment, but because Hemeryck is a “Christian” who destroyed a non-Christian display, she gets to walk without facing any consequences at all.

Strange as it seems, Susan Hemeryck’s religion wouldn’t have any reason to exist were it not for Satan, Lucifer, the devil, or whatever you want to call the ’Prince of Darkness’ in their holy book. Her religion NEEDS Satan to justify its existence. But vandalizing the Satanic display is like destroying water fountains wherever found because water was used to drown everyone in Noah’s flood...even though water was necessary to the story.

Remember, the almighty is impotent and can’t do anything in this world, so it is up to you to do the interpreting for it. But whatever you choose to do, do it with the confidence that it is what god wants. Besides, why would it come here to do anything anymore? That's what all the believers are for. All religions claim that at some point in the past, god left a book of instructions behind and that’s what we have to guide us. Yes, for some reason, one group calls the book the Qur’an, others say it is the Bhagavad Gita, another group claims it is the Book of Mormon, others assert that it is the Sutras, while millions of others say it’s the Bible…and on and on and on. But take heart that god certainly works in mysterious ways, and in mysterious guises, allows people to do whatever they like and then claim they did it for god.

The mystery is, why do people still believe it?  

The Big Difference

                What does the future hold? How does one's vision of the future impact the way they live their life? Beliefs influence how one reacts and how they interact with others. Belief systems seem to boil down to one of two types of world views.

                One system sees a better tomorrow with true human harmony being a reachable goal, even though it may still be distant today. It will be a time when people can, and will, work with each other and find a just, lasting, and symbiotic way to make life better for all who exist here. If we can cooperate in space, at the far reaches of the planet, in technology, health care, finances, and communication; then we can equally cooperate in human progress and in human understanding. We all have more in common than we have that differentiates us. There isn’t a short term solution. It will require a long term commitment on our part. However, we have proven that we have the capability, the reasoning, and the desire to make things better, for ourselves and for those around us. Wouldn’t it be nice if it turned out we’re all only separated by something like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon?

                The other belief dictates that mankind is naturally evil and sinful. In this country, the predominant belief system is christianity, but it could just as easily apply to islam or judaism. Those who follow the christian belief hope, pray, and work for the biblical Armageddon to happen in their lifetime. They believe Jesus will then come tearing out of the sky to save some of the remaining human beings who will live for a thousand years with Jesus in control of Earth. Finally, for reasons not very clear, the devil (a supernatural being who was thrown into a pit when Jesus came back) will be let loose to destroy things on Earth again. And then, everyone who ever lived on this planet will be tried by God where a vast majority of them will be judged unworthy of anything but damnation, and thrown in a lake of fire for all eternity.

                Does this sound like the design of an intelligent supernatural being that transcends time and space?  Yet, this is the love and mercy of the Christian god, according to their bible, and it is the core of the Christian belief. Defenders of Christianity will try to explain that god doesn’t send people to hell (or the lake of fire); they send themselves to hell (or the lake of fire). Really? Is it any different than this scenario?

The Robber says                                                                               God says

“Give me your money, or I’ll shoot you!”                                   “Worship me, or burn in hell forever!”

People have free will.                                                                    People have free will.                   

They can choose to obey the robber's                                       They can choose to obey God's
commands, or not.                                                                        commands, or not.

So Robbers do not kill people.                                                  So God does not send people to hell.

People choose to die by                                                               People send themselves there, by         
choosing to disobey the robber.                                                choosing to disobey god.
               

Would you excuse and pardon the robber for murdering his victim in this case?

            But the ultimate problem is this; the Christian sees a bleak future that requires a supernatural event to change it, but they don’t explain how or why it will happen as they claim, except to repeat passages from their bible, as if that clarifies everything. You just have to believe, you just have to have faith, you just have to worship their god and trust that he will make everything right.

                The offer to worship the Christian god is not a choice, it is an ultimatum. The whole idea is based on a threat. That’s what terrorists do. That’s what the recent christmas holiday represents; not the birth of a child, but the birth of a method to threaten you with unimaginable horror. In its most concise form, it is ‘Worship me or go to hell forever’ which is no different than pointing a loaded gun at your head and saying “Do as I say, or I’ll pull this trigger.”

                I choose to believe in a very different future for the human race. I do not, for example, believe we’re on auto-pilot destined for total destruction, nor do I believe a supernatural event will occur that will resolve, temporarily, the apparently ghastly conditions we humans have created on Earth. I am certain that humans, with all their flaws and faults, will continue to progress and build toward a better future. There will be set backs and miscues, but we are aiming in the right direction. As long as we don't get sidetracked by allowing religion, ANY religion, to divert our course, we will continue to lay down the building blocks that will lead to a much grander and more equitable future for us and our descendants.

  It’s time for the human race to rise above these two thousand year old superstitions, and throw off the fear, the belief in a forsaken future, and faith in an unseen, unknowable supernatural force. We no longer need to be scared of the 'monster under the bed', because it was never there to begin with; nor do we need magical, invisible friends whom we converse one-sidely with (in prayer). The bible was written as a means of controlling people. In it, we’re condemned as being inherently sinful by the very being that, it is claimed, authored the bible, and we owe that being our lives in perpetuity. Of course, the message of the bible is then touted as the only salvation available, again according to that supernatural being that supposedly authored it. When other religions try to use the same argument with their own holy book, do you believe their claims are true?

The future is far too important to leave to interpretations that are no different from reading Tarot cards, tea leaves, or the entrails of a slaughtered sheep. I choose the vision that does not treat human beings as unworthy and must ultimately be saved by an undefinable supernatural source. We are superior to that and our eventual growth away from religion will only make our lives and our future that much better. The day when humankind’s belief in the supernatural is just a quaint memory, and a footnote in a history book, can’t come soon enough.