The Parable Paradox - Jesus Deliberately Misdirects

 

Maybe my first parable should be about your planning ahead next time...

        After reading the bible or hearing a sermon about Jesus, have you ever wondered why he spoke in so many parables rather than just speaking directly about matters that affected something as serious as an immortal soul and the life to come? You’d think he’d want to be as precise, unambiguous, and crystal clear on this issue as he could be. So why all the puffery, misdirection, and charades in the parables when it could have been so simple with a direct message?  

The Bible offers few clues as to why Jesus couldn’t plainly say what needed to be said. For starters, the bible is not exactly a good source for anything given its own dubious history. (Don’t bother asking Christians what it says in the very first, original bible. There isn’t one. The earliest complete bible dates only from the 600s and is reputedly in a vault beneath the Vatican. How do the faithful know what the first bible said?)  

So, are the stories in the bible recording times when Jesus was trying to entertain those who were listening, or did he have some other darker purpose in mind with his parable ploy?  

According to Mark:4 verses 11-12 “He (Jesus) said to them, unto you is given to know the mystery of the Kingdom of God, but unto them that are without, all these things are done in parables. That seeing they may see and not perceive, and hearing they may hear, and not understand lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them.” 

That sounds like the function of Jesus’ parables was to confuse. He was speaking to his disciples, telling them THEY are given to know what God wants. If others listen in and try to divine the message, well, screw them. They may see and hear it, but they won’t perceive or understand it. Jesus wants them kept ignorant. They can’t be converted and forgiven their sins by direct message. They must filter it out through a multi-layered parable that was MEANT to confuse and ultimately damn them. And it’s THEIR fault if they fail. 

Apparently, Jesus didn’t want a large group of Christians gathered in Heaven when it was all over. He wanted to baffle the audience via the parable so most of them would end up in hell. The parable was Jesus’ misdirect into the everlasting fire, and he KNEW it was. Why would anyone worship such a monster? 

John 3:16 Corrected

       Jesus spoke in code or in riddles as sort of a “this is a wheat separated from chaff test” for his followers - to see if any could decipher them. If they couldn’t, well, Jesus literally didn’t give a damn if they failed. That was the whole point of the parables. They were an early manifestation of what satirist George Elliott wrote in his piece about Calvinists who claimed to be “the elect”: “We’re the Lord’s elected few, let all the rest be damned. There’s room enough in Hell for you. We don’t want Heaven crammed!”  

Would you have learned spelling, math or a foreign language if it was taught to you only via parable and it was up to you to discern the reality of those subjects? Would you have known where to turn for an answer? Would being given ambiguous information repeatedly have motivated you to seek greater answers?  

This is what the Bible teaches about Jesus and his reliance on parables. It is useless information. No one needs to follow such a deranged and bizarre cult as Christianity. 

Parables are fairy tales. They are stories meant to entertain little children. They have no place being presented as truth and the perfect repository of knowledge, information, and instruction.