Donald Trump - America's Newest Medal of Honor Winner

In a move sure to please his fan base, Donald Trump has awarded himself the nation’s highest and most esteemed military decoration, the Medal of Honor.
          What is his justification?

"I really believe I’d run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon," Trump had said at his White House meeting with 39 governors about what he would have done at the Florida school that was the scene of the most recent mass shooting. Trump was so proud of himself for his claim and, imagining he would have saved all the students and teachers killed on Valentine’s Day at Stoneman Douglas High School, he immediately signed an Executive Order giving himself the Medal of Honor.

With Pence and Mattis' approval, Trump awards himself the medal

“I actually earned this quite a while ago,” Trump exclaimed as he fumbled with the ribbon to put the medal around his neck. “I always felt like I was a great and brave soldier back in the '80s when I was having so much unprotected sex. This is just the culmination of so many amazing things I’ve done.”

Seeing few people in the room were moved by his reasoning, Trump said “Hey, ISIS is history. I defeated them. Not even Obama could do that…and he created them!” When no one immediately applauded, Trump up the ante. “And another thing, if I hadn’t had those bone spurs in my foot, or feet…you’ll look it up in the records, it’s in the records…I’d have been the greatest soldier in the entire history of that war back in the 60s when they were drafting kids. Not one gook would have escaped my sights,” he said. “The war would have ended within a week of my arriving at wherever it was we were fighting back then. So I deserve this.”

          Generals McMaster, Mattis, Dunford, and Kelly all stood by expressionless as Trump placed the ribbon and medal around his neck. Waving his hand dismissively at them Trump boasted “After talking with all the generals, they agreed that if anyone should get this medal, it’s me. I mean, no one is better at the military than me...believe me!”

          Trump added while pointing to the medal around his neck,“And this deserves a military parade in my honor this July 4^th…or on that November 11^th day, for whatever reason we celebrate then!” 

          This follows on the heels of Trump’s request, via a third party, that he be given the Nobel Peace Prize, too. An unidentified American who nominated the U.S. president reportedly cited Trump's "ideology of peace by force" (such as threatening nuclear war with North Korea) for the submission for the prize. A similar reason accompanied a nomination for Trump to win last year’s 2017 prize. Just one minor problem; Trump's nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize was forged, the head of the Norwegian Nobel Institute said Wednesday February 27^th. “We have good reason to believe that the nomination we received concerning Trump has been falsified,” Institute Director Olav Njolstad told reporters.

          Henrik Urdal, manager of the Peace Research Institute Oslo, told the Associated Press that even though Trump was nominated for the 2018 Nobel Peace Prize, the nomination “lacks any strong academic justification”.