Safe for the Little Ears?

In my hometown, there is a popular Christian radio station that uses the phrase “Safe for the little ears” on its bumper stickers and promotional material. The intent is to encourage the belief that, unlike other stations that carry, say, Howard Stern, a wannabe clone of his, or utilize DJs who read questionable material or play provocative songs during their broadcasts, this station is ‘safe’ for even children to listen to, anytime, since all their programming is Christian-oriented music and life-lessons taken from the bible. Their programming is not to my taste but I do listen on occasion just to see how they try to spin bible verses and bible stories to fit their ‘god-is-good-and-the-bible-won’t-offend-anyone’ approach. Apparently, they haven’t read enough of the bible to know it is anything but ‘safe for the little ears’.

They often read or paraphrase biblical quotes between the songs, but I notice they always play it safe by cherry-picking the verses they use (just like most Christians cherry-pick the parts of Christianity they ascribe to). I wonder how many parents would approve of their ‘little ones’ hearing these straight from the bible:

Genesis 19:30-36: And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters. And the firstborn said unto the younger, our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth: Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. 

Deuteronomy 22:28-29: If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father.Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her. (This sounds reasonable and fair, doesn’t it? When this is explained to a child, they’d fully agree, wouldn’t they?)

Numbers 15:32-35: And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the Sabbath day. And they that found him gathering sticks brought him unto Moses and Aaron, and unto all the congregation. And they put him in ward, because it was not declared what should be done to him. And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp. And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.

Ezekiel 23:20 For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.(This must have been really important, to include it in the bible. How would you explain this to your kids, mom and dad?)

Ezekiel 9:6 Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women…

Numbers 31:17-18 Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourself every girl who has never slept with a man.

Judges 4:21 But Jael, Heber's wife, picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted. She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died.

2 Kings18:27 But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

2 Kings2:23-24 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them. 

Psalms 137:9 Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.

Or Judges 19:22-30 Where a Levite gives his concubine to a mob, she is raped all night, dies, he then takes her body home, cuts it up into 12 pieces and sends it all around Israel…. Judges 11:30-40 where Jephthah kills his daughter after promising to sacrifice the first thing that comes out of his house.

And every child has probably heard, or seen the Hollywood version on TV, of Moses going up Mount Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments. Moses then comes down with the stone tablets, one of which we’re told states “Thou shalt not kill”, but he discovers that the Israelites have fashioned a golden calf statue. To punish the people, Moses gathers a group of men and takes the following action, according to Exodus 32:27 "Then he said to them, "This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: 'Each man strap a sword to his side. Go back and forth through the camp from one end to the other, each killing his brother and friend and neighbor.' “The Levites did as Moses commanded, and that day about three thousand of the people died. “

So... one minute we have God carving into stone, "Thou shalt not kill." Then the next minute we have God telling each man to strap a sword to his side and lay waste to thousands, not even giving any clue how to tell the guilty from the innocent, just kill at random. Wouldn't you expect the almighty ruler of the universe to be slightly more consistent than this? 3,000 dead people is a lot of commandment breaking. But god is okay with ‘do as I say, even if it breaks a commandment I just gave you, but you can never do this on your own.’

And in case the kids get the idea that God’s son Jesus was simply meek and mild, let them hear how he thought discipline should be meted out regarding slaves: Luke 12:47-48 And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. (Yes, lash, whip, and inflict considerable pain on those you own, even if they had no idea they had done something wrong.)

Those are just a few of the more ‘popular' vicious stories in the bible, but they are by no means all. The bible is filled with violence, immoral teachings, and harmful passages that demand revenge and death. How would Christian parents explain them to their children if the “Safe for the little ears” radio announcers read those verses? Would those parents understand what morals they were teaching? Because promoting Christianity is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of preaching hate, bigotry, ignorance, superstition and intolerance. What child needs to learn those lessons?

If the bible is considered ‘safe for the little ears’, I’d just as soon read to my children Fifty Shades of Grey.